The Coded Pixel

I’ve been married for four and a half years, and I love my wife, Leyna, with all my heart. I’d like to think that I am a supportive husband. Recently, however, I’ve started to feel that the first four years were easy. But really… how hard could it have been? My wife was a full time undergrad student who occasionally held a part-time job. Meanwhile, I was consistently blessed with enough income to let us both live reasonably. How much support did I really need to give?

“You’ll do fine on that test.”

“If you don’t like that job, you should quit.”

“Do you need help studying?”

“You should spend your paycheck on fun things you want.”

Looking back, I could have just been on “nice guy autopilot”. Things were pretty much black and white. Either I could be supportive, or I could be an ass. Not really something I had to spend time thinking about.

That has changed recently. Interacting with my wife is no longer a matter of black and white. Her life is progressing at a wonderful rate, but it’s causing everything to become grey. Suddenly, the choices she has to make aren’t so simple, and being the supportive husband isn’t as easy. Let me give a quick rundown of important changes in her life.

1. We are prepairing for the possibility of concieving a child.
2. She has graduated from college.
3. She has been accepted into a Masters degree program.
4. She is contractually employed in her field of study.

At the risk of being cliche and totally over-simplifying the situation… we’re not kids anymore. And, yet, I still feel irresponsibly childish. I went to school, I got a job, I drove my car, I ate some food, I played some games, I had some fun. But it wasn’t til my wife “grew up”, so to speak, that I’ve finally started to feel the need to think like a more mature adult.

Over the next several days I’m going to get all extroverted and examine the choices my wife is facing. Then I’m going to get all introverted and figure out how I am or should be acting to be the supporting husband I want to be.

I love you Leyna, you only deserve the best… I just hope I can figure out what that means.

Here I am, quarter past three in the morning. I’ve decided that now is the perfect time to delete everything about the old site and start clean. Wipe the database. Wipe the install folders. Wipe it all out.

I’ve turned all commenting off this time. Yeah, part of it was comment spam bugging me. But I think a bigger part is that I just want to talk out loud without really knowing if anyone is listening.

I really don’t know what the heck I’m thinking. No one will see this for months. I don’t feel like telling anyone it’s here.

Time for a clean start.